How to stop being a victim of circumstances

If we begin to take responsibility, we can change our life. The main assistant in this case is proactive thinking. To develop it in ourselves means to learn how to choose how exactly we will respond to what is happening, what will we say and what we will do without succumbing to the first impulse. How to do it?

We constantly find ourselves in situations where people shift responsibility to us, and we don’t even notice how we do the same. But in this way it is impossible to succeed. John Miller, a business trainer and author of the methodology for the development of personal responsibility, tells on examples from his life how to take responsibility, and why is it necessary.

Personal responsibility

I drove to the gas station to drink coffee, but the coffee pot was empty. He turned to the seller, but he pointed his finger at his colleague and replied: “Her department is responsible for coffee”.

You probably remember a dozen such stories from your life:

• “The store administration is not responsible for the things left in the cabinets”;
• “I cannot get a normal job, because I have no connections”;
• “Talented people are not given a chance to break through”;
• “Managers receive millionth annual bonuses, but they have not given me a single bonus for 5 years of work”.

All these are the facets of undeveloped personal responsibility. You will find a reverse example much less often: you have served well, helped in a difficult situation, quickly solved the problem. I have it.

I ran into the restaurant to eat. There was little time, and visitors – the crowd. A waiter with a mountain of dirty dishes on a tray passed in a hurry and asked if they served me. I replied that not yet, but I would like to order a salad, rolls and a dietary stake. It turned out that there is no cola, and I had to ask for water with lemon. Soon I received my order, and a minute later diet stake. Jacob (that was the name of the waiter) sent his manager to the store for her. He himself did not have time.

An ordinary employee does not always have the opportunity to demonstrate a fabulous service, but proactive thinking is available to everyone. It is enough to stop being afraid to take responsibility and give up with love to your work. Proactive thinking is rewarded. After a couple of months, I drove into a restaurant again and found out that Jacob was raised.

Prohibited questions

Replace the questions-pushes with questions-action. Then you can develop personal responsibility and get rid of the psychology of the victim.

“Why no one loves me?”,” Why no one wants to work?”,” Why did it happen to me?”These issues are unproductive because they do not lead to a decision. They only show that the person who sets them is a victim of circumstances and is not able to change anything. Better to get rid of the word “why”.

Two more classes of “wrong” questions: “who” and “when”. “Who is responsible for this?”,” When the roads in my area will be repaired?”In the first case, we transfer responsibility to another department, an employee, chief and fall into a vicious circle of charges. In the second – we mean that we can only wait.

The journalist in the newspaper sends a request to the press service on fax and is waiting for an answer. Two day. Call laziness, and the deadlines are packed under the article. When there is nowhere to postpone, he is calling. They talked to him sweetly and sent an answer by morning. It took 3 minutes, and the journalist delayed the work for 4 days.

Correct questions

“Correct” questions begin with the words “that?” And How?”:” What can I do to change the situation?”,” How to make a client loyal?”,” How to work more efficiently?”,” What should I learn to bring more benefits to the company?”

If the wrong issue expresses the position of a person who is unable to change anything, then the correct questions encourage action and form proactive thinking. “Well, why is this happening to me?»Does not require an answer. This is rather a complaint, not a question. “Why did this happen?»Helps to understand the reasons.

If more closely, look at the “wrong” questions, it turns out that almost all of them are rhetorical. Conclusion: Rhetoric questions – evil.

Collective responsibility

There is no collective responsibility, this is an oxymoron. If the client comes with a claim, someone will have to answer before him alone. Even physically, all employees will not be able to line up in front of a dissatisfied visitor and jointly respond to the complaint.

Let’s say you want to get a bank loan. Came to the department, signed all the documents, wait for the result. But something went wrong, and the bank does not report its decision in any way. Money is needed as soon as possible, and you go to the office to understand. It turned out that your documents were lost. You are not interested in who is to blame, you want to quickly solve the problem.

A bank employee listens to your discontent, sincerely asks for forgiveness, although he is not to blame, runs from one department to another and after a couple of hours comes with a ready -made positive decision. Collective responsibility – personal liability in its purest form. This is the courage to take a blow to the whole team and cope with difficulties.

The case with the waiter Jacob is a great example of collective responsibility. The purpose of the company is to be attentive to each client. Both the waiter and the manager followed her. Think about what your direct leader would say if you sent him for Coca-Cola for the client? If he is not ready for such an act, then he is not to teach the company’s subordinates to the company’s mission.

Theory of small affairs

We are often unhappy with what is happening around us: officials take bribes, do not improve the yard, the neighbor put the car so that you can’t get through. We constantly want to change other people. But personal responsibility begins with us. This is a banal truth: when we ourselves

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change, the world and the people around us also begin to change quietly.

I was told a story about one old woman. A company of teenagers often gathered in her entrance, they drank beer, litter and noisy. The old woman did not threaten the police and reprisals, did not drive them out. She had many books at home, and she began to take them into the entrance during the day and put them on the windowsill, where teenagers usually gathered. At first they laughed at this. Gradually got used to them and began to read. Made friends with the old woman and began to ask her books.